Religion Engrained Guilt into Every Cell of my Human Self.

Growing up with religion engrained in me, trained every cell in my body to feel guilty for existing.

I don't care what the motive was - people thought they were saving my soul and keeping our family intact.

My soul was put into a box, and disciplined to believe God is multiple layers separate from self. That God is only here with me and only pleased with me when I do the correct things.

Loving one another is a huge teaching in the religion of my heritage. But it was lathered in so many conditions, although those aren't spoken much of. In so many judgments. And with so many walls.

Religion is great because it provides structure. However, the base message of religion has God's voice saying something like this: "If you follow these rules, you can find me. If you don't follow these rules, you must burn in hell and feel extreme guilt and deep sorrow. You are cast off from my presence, because you are not doing the checklist of things I have sent for you to do. I am above you, small being. You are something that I created, and you are subserviant of me. You can connect to me, only if you prove yourself worthy to other humans around you, and only if you are on track to get to the temple. The temple is the only place you can really feel of your ancestral heritage, and gain a deep understanding of eternal life."

My spiritual awakening has shown me how done I am with such an unloving God. I am done with a religious system, but focusing on my spiritual connection to God. You see, my truth is that there are ZERO layers to be with God. God is within me. I am God, in a sense. It is so simple. Guilt is a feeling that God does not foster. My God feels guilt, and helps me love myself deeper as I am. God is healing my guilt. He is healing my wounds from religion. He is healing generational stories that have shamed and belittle ourselves. I am rising up, to be with God in each and every moment. He/She/the Universe... Empowers my human existence by confirming love in every aspect of my life.

I have a spiritual being with me, who has helped supported me. He has shown himself to 3 of my spiritual healers over the last 6-7 years. Shaylee Davis, a lady in Leucadia, and Krissi just last night in our Reiki session. An older gentleman, whom all 3 of them have said is very very sweet. As I recall the older gentlemen that match their description - tall, bald with salt and pepper hair around the side of the head, very gentle demeaner. I am drawn to believe this is my Grandpa Severe, my dad's dad. It could potentially be my Grandma Bunnell's dad, on my mom's side. But thinking of my Grandpa Severe, reading our family history, his favorite scripture was one about charity. That charity never faileth. Does grandpa see the truth? The spiritual truth that we are all... love? That love is how existence flows? I do not know what his soul is experiencing, but I feel he has the grasp of higher perspective, and is here to assist me in understanding my life and how to cultivate real, unguilty, pure love in each moment. This constant anxiety is not just a little thing... It is generations of feeling this way, and it has been bestowed upon me to stop the cycle.