Medical Insurance - A Deep Spiritual Practice

I loosen my expecatation, I drop the story. I let go, and am held in this present moment. The phone plays the music on hold, for the 13th minute. I could be lulled into thoughts of projects I'd like to be working on, the frustration of the medical system, of how sick people are made more sick, and of how the food industry and the pharmaceautical industry have both gotten me into this situation... I've been on countless phone calls to get coverage for treatments, with countless new people, who all haven't known how to solve my problem. Each phone call we start over, I explain the whole situation on repeat, and again I am placed on hold. What is surrender right here, in this logisitical fuckstorm? What does dropping a story of $28,000 in medical debt? What does surrender look like, feel like, can I find it? I drop the stories. I drop the blame. I put my accusatory finger down, I allow the internal raging sandstorm to soften, and I bring my palm to my heart. I am nothing, but here and now. I am held by the ground beneath me, and I have no future, right here in this very moment. My future is actually my present, my here-and-now. Future doesn't exist, and past doesn't exist. I allow the on-hold music to reverberate it's overplayed melody, still some judgment here but I soften palpably, and I notice those frantic voices within me quiet, as I tend to the restless scared child within. I am here. I am right here. I don't have all the answers, but I do know that you are perfect as you are, and I am holding you in complete love and acceptance of what is.

There is nothing wrong with you. Everything is perfect with you, as you are. And this situation is just you, holding the phone, waiting for another human being to do what they are doing for their income. You are being held by the universe. It's ok to feel these feelings. Just know that your breath is with you. What is breathing you? What is sitting with you? You are being held by...that which isn't seen. But that which surrounds you and envelopes you wholly.

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