Reflect About It #1

According to Google: "The normal decibel level of a human voice, between 55 and 65 dB, is considered safe as it is under the 70 decibels/24-hours or 85 decibels/8-hours recommended exposure limit. However, the decibel level of a human voice can get much higher if that person is speaking in a loud voice and very close to your ears."

How many decibels does it take for God to hear your cries? If I were talking fairly normal, at a 57 dB let's say, praying to him to send his miracles to me, would he take me seriously? Or would it not be until I hit about the 65dB range? Maybe that's when he sees me, and realizes he should attend to "his precious daughter". Sometimes even 70dB, my loudest most deep cries didn't even bring him to my door, or to my knowing I felt even more disconnected to him than ever. 

Reaching out to a God that is separate from me has only brought me more separation from myself. But when I am truly connected to this present moment, with no ideas or concepts of the shame or guilt I should be feeling, God is there. God is actually here at 0 dB, always. Even in the worst moments. But growing up so religiously instead of spiritually, I always felt he was outside of me, and that some times I must have deserved to be cut off because I wasn't living perfectly - even if I couldn't tell you the "bad things" I was doing, it was an ever-present form of self loathing I was taught to inhibit. If I felt truly free and in love with myself and with life, I must not have my moral code in check. "Some will eat and drink and be merry and say there is no God, and all is well, and the Devil will snatch them up." There are different levels of this type of ignorance taught, and for me, as a child, what I heard was "You can never just let yourself truly be in the moment. You must always be aware of the things you can improve to be closer to your Heavenly Father." Intro - mental illness and a deep anxiety that has been with me since I was a tiny little human.

God is in me, with me, and the more I love my life and respect myself, the more close I am to my true nature. "The natural man is a sin" is a religious belief, that is engrained into us repeatedly. This causes a lot of self hate, that my natural tendencies must be wrong, even though my tendencies are actually not evil or hurtful or degrading at all. We are all gifted opinion, we are all gifted our own perspective. How can we expect to have true well being if we deny our very OWN well being, for the sake of a set of rules that prove my worth or not to deserve to be in the kingdom of God?

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