Consult Call with Dr Brook Goldner. I can change. I am changing. I am changed.

This morning I had a call with Dr. Brook Goldner. It was fantastic. She helped kick my butt into gear by calling me out on my shit.

I either do western medicine, nutritional medicine, or crohns. There is no in between. There is no "a little medicine here and a little this there..."

I needed her call today. I recorded it and will be listening to this again as I train my brain to relate to food in a new way. In a way I have been leaning into slowing for a long time, since learning that food can heal you. But right now, it's go time. I am a mortal body. My time is limited. My focus is here in the now, wide awake and wide open to the experience.

I find huge surges of scarcity come through me as I am awakening. Spiritually, and also food-wise which is what most people use as their "worship", the thing that they turn to for emotional escape.

Those things other people call "treats" are now considered cat food. Those things people go to for "joy" but really it's sitting at the TV eating shit, are now my times of true gratification. My treats are now: Going for a run, getting that 'high' by going to live concerts, by exploring, by meditating, by exploring new self care rituals. 'Yummy' can come in many different forms.

I can change, I am changing, and I think allowing myself to change is what actually brings me fear. But as I continue to show up as I WANT to show up, because I have a clear vision of my life and my goals, it's just one step at a time. I don't need to feel like I've changed and will 'go back' someday and get mean to myself. No. No mean-girl vibes here. I fully support myself. I fully support myself to love myself without restriction. Love my whole GD self, because I am worth it. I am so deserving of my full support. I am so deserving of dropping the stories and resting inside of grace. In this present moment, this beautiful God-given moment, God holds me. Even when I can't feel his presence, he is still holding me. And I will honor that, and my existence, with as much love and gratitude and connection as possible.

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